How many times have I had this thought? How many times have I felt even smaller than my physical stature and emotionally ill equipped to compete in a world so driven by extreme emotion and knee jerk reaction? How many times do I compare myself to others so that I can look down on myself before anyone else does?
It took a lifetime to realize the true source of my misery. Some kind folks used to tell me, “Don’t let them steal your joy.” It made sense but still left me in the role of the victim. And how could I stop them? They were so much more confident than me-no one dared make them feel ‘less-than’. It was as if I had a neon bullseye attached to my heart that flashed out to the world, “Free shots, bring your really big guns!” So many days I have felt like a gunslinger, just waiting for the next rebel to call me out for a duel to the death.
Make no mistake. I was by no means a helpless rabbit. No, no, I am a Cancer on the astrological chart; and what Cancer does when cornered is pull out the really big claws. My fight or flight instinct has always been well honed, and I have been victorious over the long arm of evil doing on many occasions. I have to say that it was never gratifying because for we home bodied crabs, a broken relationship is always a loss, a failure, and somehow all our fault.
Along the path I have walked, I have been blessed with angels and guides, coming in all forms, including those not so palatable ones; for I know that life lessons are manifest in all that we experience. Once I began to understand that what triggered me most negatively in others was often something I feared was within me, my ability to deal with these issues changed. When we accept negative aspects within ourselves and treat ourselves with love, compassion and forgiveness, we soon realize how very small the things that once loomed large and menacing over our relationships truly are.
When we accept that the sum of ourselves is made up of many different aspects, both positive and negative, we can then close the gap of separation that keeps us so often at odds with our outer world.
This way of being is not to be confused with passivity, for such a path dictates that we accept all wounds, absorb all negative energy and never fight back-all in the name of being peaceful. I believe it is possible to be at peace within while having a warrior spirit that is ready to defend and protect ourselves when necessary.
I have arrived at an emotional place where I accept that my world truly is one where I create the environment I exist within. When I feel a soul vampire (yes, they do exist but are not so honest as to be easily recognized) honing in on me, I shut down my own emotional response system and begin calling light energy to surround me and fill the space between us. I refuse to acknowledge the attack, turn away from my own need to defend, and soon they just stop. The first time this happened was so miraculous I wanted to shout to the world. Now, the greater question for me as the deep thinker that I am is:
Am I truly shutting them down defensively or is my refusal to recognize the attack making it not exist at all? Either way, my walk has become more peaceful because I made an adjustment to that advice given me so long ago. No longer do I say, “Don’t let them steal your joy.” Instead I have taken ownership of my well-being. Now I say,
“Don’t give your joy away.” No one can steal anything from you emotionally which you do not allow or give of your own free will. The devil can’t ‘make you do it’ and the Creator is not a Geni who grants wishes to the blessed and chaste few. Life is directed by the positive flow of The Creator, and when we are in sync with that fllow, our lives work-through good times and bad. We are spiritual beings in a world held together by extreme energy. Sometimes these things blend and excite for a beautiful existence while at others they clash to create storms that often devastate. Science and spirituality coexisting since the dawn of time. Perhaps they are one and the same.
Ask the ‘lesser’ creations….
They go with the flow. They live to exist and exist because they are about the business of living. When one bird is aggressive, the other sits by until the he leaves. If the timid bird is hungry enough, she fights back, getting what she needs. I’ve never seen one off alone crying for lost bird seed, though. There really is more than enough of everything to go around.
I may not be able to change the world, but I can definitely change my way of being in it. If one is to believe in the Butterfly Effect theory, perhaps this is enough to effect some kind of positive change. And that is always a good thing.
I hope you all have a beautiful week. And if you have a chance, grab this little gem of a book. Be like Pooh. Because being a bear in the Hundred Acre Wood is a very zen thing. 😘
My latest project in the works.