Forever Never/The Dawn of Illusion
By Cheryl Pennington
When we left the inhabitants of Domhan, its first Mother was feeling the pangs of loneliness now that her son was growing taller and moving from within the shadow of her care and constant attention. Longing to feel the warmth of new life again, she struggles with her place in Amhain’s life now that his Father has moved to the forefront of his attentions. In the land of Eolas, his companion Eagna questions whether they will ever know the joy of creating together and longs for her own infant to love and care for. Now we find her returned to the garden of Foirfeachta, where a new idea is born of these desires.
Eagna interrupted her friend, “M’na, you know in your heart that this is not the will of our Mothers. Eternal Love never judges or condemns. What is so heavy within your soul?”
M’na worked to compose herself, taking a few slow breaths. Eagna could see the glow of energy around her begin to return to its normal color. She didn’t share this special gift with anyone; but as surely as she could see into her lake, she could see what her loved ones were feeling by the color that enveloped their bodies.
M’na continued, her voice more controlled and steady, “I have been so happy since Amhain arrived; and I know he has shown to be all that the Eternal Realm desired through Creation on our world. He is the perfect child-loving, joyful and so wise-even in his young mind. So often does he appear at my side to touch my hand, to show me something wonderful he has found or done. When I see the delight on his face in these moments, my reason for existing is as clear as my own reflection in the water. My son has become so skilled at hunting and building; and how he loves to run after his father. He seems to forever want to be with Fireann.…,” she broke off, losing control and sobbing softly as the tears trailed quietly over her flushed cheeks.
Eagna reached to touch her friend again, this time resting a hand on her shoulder. The Woman of Wisdom felt slight confusion at the distraught state of this most fortunate female; for on the surface her life seemed so blessed and perfect. But when M’na gazed into Eagna’s eyes, the latter could see the pain of loss expressing itself within those dark pools of knowing, calling to her own feminine longings. Truth suddenly dawned within Eagna’s kindred, hungry soul. M’na was lonely for her infant son! Now gone was the one who was never out of her sight, who filled her every moment with the Love of Creation and had eyes only for his mother.
Eagna, being the intuitive female she was, felt the emptiness along with her friend, even though she had not experienced such a thing for herself yet. She was the intuitive em-path in their group; and it would be a joyful burden that required great strength in the events to come.
It had become the way with those who walked on Domhan. They were aware of their connectedness and unity. What one felt, they all seemed to feel, in one way or another. At the very least, they never doubted the truth in what each of them felt to be real or important.
They were, after all, human; so along with Eagna’s sorrow for her friend, there was a pang of envy. How she longed to know all of these emotions that her friend was experiencing, even those which brought the tears of pain. After all, hadn’t M’na also wept with pain at the moment of Amhain’s birth? Now she wondered-did Mother Inion or Bandia weep with the birth of their own Creations? Did Great Spirit weep in Its ability to see all, know all and be all in the all that existed?
(“YES“, came the reply she did not hear. Mor felt all that was felt on Domhan as well as experiencing all that was known within Existence outside of Itself. Great Spirit felt and learned what it was to know Itself through all others within the Realm of Consciousness.)
She leaned in very close to M’na as she whispered, “Let me ask you a question. When you were full with child and anxiously awaiting his birth, how did you feel, knowing you would bring forth this life, this hope-you and you alone?”
M’na thought for a moment. “Perfect,” was her simple reply. She smiled radiantly as she let the remembrance wash over her.
Eagna squeezed her friend’s fingers slightly to emphasize the importance of her words. “I’ll tell you a secret now. On the eve before Amhain arrived, while I was gathering herbs for the ceremony, Fireann found me in the woods.”
M’na looked up, her interest turning from her tears now. Eagna continued. “He was hesitant to speak at first, merely asking if he could help me because he declared he felt a bit useless at that point. He looked so small inside of his mighty body in that moment. When I asked why he would feel this way in the face of such a miraculous thing as the birth of his son he, too, faced me with eyes full of longing and sorrow.” Eagna wiped M’na’s chin where a single tear glistened in the sunlight as it clung stubbornly to her skin as she continued.
“He told me that ever since the seed of life had been planted within your body, he had slowly but most certainly begun to feel pushed to the outside of everything in his world. You had been chosen to carry the child, you would bring it into the light of day, and it would be you to nourish it with your body. And, always, you were first upon this, your physical world. What, he asked me, would be the importance of his role in your lives-in life upon Domhan?”
Eagna smiled to herself as she remembered the humble male standing beside her, shoulders slumped and hands peeling bark from the tree that he leaned against.
“But why didn’t he come to me and share his thoughts? I would surely have reminded him of his importance to me and to our child.” M’na’s thoughts were now focused on her beloved Fireann and wanted to ease his sorrow more than her own.
Eagna quickly reassured her. “Do not worry for Fireann. I explained to him that his time to nurture the seed he had planted would come all too quickly and that he needed to prepare his heart and his mind for this time because his influence would match your own, if not exceed it in many ways. This comforted him and so, too, should it comfort you to know that this is exactly what is happening. You have nurtured Amhain through the ways of Motherhood and will always do so; but now it is Fireann’s turn to give to his son all that he has held within his heart from the moment of his conception. It is his moment to begin feeling a part of the Creation process in the way of his Male Spirit.”
M’na felt uplifted. “No wonder you are called Wise.” She smiled apologetically at Eagna. “I will remember your words and be encouraged even as my heart longs for the infant that once nestled in my arms and suckled at my breast.” She absentmindedly touched her breast as she spoke.
Eagna wondered how she could be thought so “wise” regarding those things which she seemed to dispense so easily in helping her friends, and yet still suffer within her own soul.