Forever Never/The Dawn of Illusion
by Cheryl Pennington
all rights reserved
Creation; the human act of creating. the act of starting something for the first time, introducing something new. the event that occurred at the beginning of something. Theology: God’s act of bringing the universe into existence. everything that exists anywhere.
Without the desire to create there would be no existence. The question, the mystery, the conflict among belief systems, remains ever in the details. Who, what, where is our supreme Creator and why are we here? I have found no answer to be greater than another, no religion to be perfect in all of its assumptions, and no reason to claim greater understanding than anyone else who is searching. I am merely trying to find a way to make sense of my own walk, my own inner struggle and conflicts, and to direct my steps in such a way as to honor that which has loved me into existence. If you are interested in these things-my musings, my story will unfold to share my ideas through the characters in it. This is a continuing tale. My hope is that we might all recognize ourselves in one of these simple humans, might understand their honest faith and remember the great devotion we knew in the beginning. Love and Light,
Forever Never/The Dawn of Illusion
the story continues….
Mac, upon seeing the true force born in Mac en Mor, was experiencing a mixture of his own sensations, feeling both awed and horrified at once. How gloriously terrible it was! For a frightening moment he thought, “What have I done?” It was a brief moment, however; for once he sensed the power that was present withing his creation, he was overcome by new emotions. There was more winding upward from within now-more snuffing of the Light, as Pride worked its way into His Consciousness. He felt that surely his own god must be greater than His Twin’s goddess.
The fact that his creation was different from that of his sister should have sufficed for the young soul; but the tendrils of darkness now had gnarly fibers that sprang up around the core of his being and whispered sweet lies, “No, no….it must be more. Better than Hers.”
Still unaware of the magnitude of his Creation, the devastating effects of which had been sent rippling throughout Eternity, Mac beheld his own Son, his Mac en Mor, and marveled at the god’s greatness. They talked about the state of “being”, about Mac’s plan for what his Son was to do upon His world, and all that he could and could not do without the consent of Spiorad Mor. Mac warned that the God was not to create from within himself.
Just as Inion had done with her goddess, Mac formed his Son by mingling his own Essence along with the matter of His physical world so that his Creation could move between both places at will, creating new living things on its surface, and thus increase its greatness. The god would be able to change his own form to mingle with his creations as long as balance and order was kept there. That which he created would be loyal to him, and he would be responsible for keeping them safe and cared for.
However; when Mac advised His Son of the need to be in constant communion with Mor, especially when on his own world, the newborn did not respond as Bandia had. He scoffed at the idea. So great was the Energy of Darkness with which he had been conceived that Mac an Mor could scarcely feel or comprehend the Love of Great Spirit, even in this moment of his conception there in Eternity. He quickly cast aside these admonitions and advisories from his Father.
“You are my Creator, and my loyalty is to you. Our own communion will be made; and you can appeal to Great Spirit on my behalf if it is necessary. I need nothing else. I am complete and know my power as will all others in time. I will not disappoint you in the task you have given me.”
Mac’s Essence buzzed with new sensation. Immense Light still burned deeply within Him and pushed ever upward through the dark, mangled brambles as the prickly thorns of Pride that now dotted the vine of darkness worked to slow its progress. It was from this Light that Mac now found his voice.
“Be assured, my Son, you must follow my direction or I will return you to where you came from.” At this thought-the first of many thoughts to come-Mac an Mor succumbed,-at least for that moment. Still new to this thing called Existence, he did not want it to end so soon. He would gladly bargain for his right to remain within it. At least for now.…
Just as the place of emptiness within Bandia was stronger than in Inion, so the legacy was passed from Mac to his god. Bandia had yet to experience an awareness of this emptiness; but the Darkness was so overwhelming in Mac an Mor’s core that the Light was barely existent there. Being conceived from Mac’s dark recesses, it was all that the god understood, and he was overwhelmingly full of the conscious thoughts which were already manifest in Mac’s Energy.
Now a new sensation arrived within Mac’s essence, one that already plagued his Twin. Fear now crept along the growth of darkness that was rooted in his center. It fed the tarry vine and only served to strengthen its grip; for now rising above the fear that he would fail or disappoint his Mother was a new, very sharp terror. It wasn’t that he would not be loved or recognized for his Greatness in creating. This new fear had its own name. Envy introduced itself to Mac as the fear that He would be considered less magnificent than that which he had created. How quickly new perceptions arose in the dark, fertile ground of the soul Essence. His Pride over his handiwork quickly won out in this struggle for control. A new victor arose as his Perception of Greatness was born, sending Him swiftly to Mor for approval.
The Soul of Masculinity was not expecting to find what he had been ignoring while in his state of self-absorption. As soon as Mac withdrew His energy from His own world, He became aware of the shift in his Twin. He could feel all of her pain and loss, the extent of which was devastating to Him. He felt her terror, confusion and disappointment. Still not aware of what his handiwork had wrought outside of his own World, he wondered what was causing this great shift.
It was Mor who gave him the answer he sought. “Your Creation has wrought havoc on your Sister’s Dohman. She is there now, repairing the damage with Bandia. Go and offer your help in the name of the Unconditional Love from which you were Created.” Mor’s attempt to counsel Its Son came from the Love that created him; but from Mac’s place of emptiness He would only perceive this guidance as a new admonition. And his beloved Inion…
Of course He would go to Her. How could he have known what would happen with such a power as he had created? It was not intentional for Him to harm his Twin or destroy her Dohman, in this or any way. He desired only to create something better, something more, than she had done. Innocent still, how could he understand that the very intent with which he had Created was now feeding the Darkness that was working to devour the Light residing within him? This Pride fanned the embers that glowed in the hollows of his empty space, allowing his own perceptions to engulf his newly created Son in the flames of Ego as it became the greatest part of what Mac an Mor identified with.
When Mac reached Inion, he instantly realized what had happened. In Sorrow, he tried to explain; but before he could make amends, to beg her forgiveness and offer his help, Inion denied him the chance. She would hear nothing.
“Why would you try to destroy my Dohman?!” she cried out.
Once more, in vain, He tried to explain, “Inion, I didn’t try to…” In utter despair she cut him off. Her own empty space was growing to an abysmal level, so great was her disappointment in her Brother; and there His pleas fell to the depths, empty and hollow. She refused to hear Him or allow Him to ease the pain and sense of rejection she felt.
“All you care about is you..” she murmured.
A new sensation joined the cacophony of conscious Thoughts filling them both. Anger arrived in each at the exact same moment. She turned from him and poured herself into repairing her world while He, astonished and filled with rage at her rejection, withdrew from her to return to his own creations. The Light in Him, pushing ever upward through the vein of Darkness, cried out, “Perhaps in awhile….we can try again! Don’t give up..”
Filled with remorse and the secret hope of forgiveness, it was in an act of contrition that Mac reached for the flickering Light within himself and pulled it upward with Love, flinging it towards his Sister’s beloved World. It coalesced with her Dohman and spun there in the vapors above the world’s surface, a burning orb of energy that brilliantly lit its face. It was all he could do.
Inion was amazed and thankful, but remained unrelenting in her bitter disappointment. Perhaps she would forget. For now Mac would join Mac an Mor to care for their own Dohman is Gra‘. (world most loved)
Mor knew it was time to intervene. Sensations were bombarding the Eternal Realm that were affecting its Balance, and Great Spirit turned to Mac. “My Son, your World is not Dohman is Gra’, for nothing can be more or less loved within the Unconditional Love of Existence. There is no measure of love in Eternity. The physical world of your creation will be called Dohman Eile. It is now simply Other World. In your haste to be greater than your Twin, you nearly destroyed her Creation. There is nothing loving, strong, or great in This. Go now and work to heal your Son before he can do any further damage.”
The blow! The terrible contradiction to his plan of being more in the eyes of his Mother. Of course he never intended to do this horrible thing to his Twin. The dark pain of guilt was there as the Light reached ever upward to offer comfort and redirect Mac to wholeness. When he returned to his Son, he shared what had occurred in the realm of his Twin and the effect that had been wrought upon her world as a result of his very birth cries; however, his son had been born with such terrible strength and power, so full of Mac’s own ego and so dim the influence of the Light of Unconditional Love, that the being now before him scarcely heard what was being shared.
Instead of love and empathy, Mac en Mor spoke from ego. “You must not let these things matter so much”, he consoled. “You offered to help in restoring her World, but she refused. What more can be done? She will return to you when she recovers from her anger, for she will need you. Then she will forget all of this which does not matter.”
Mac was appalled at this declaration; for in the Realm of Eternity, everything was about Love. How could Love not matter? Mor said Unconditional Love was all that truly existed. All else was Creation and, thus, Illusion. Mac was in a confused state, and the selfish god’s words calmed him, even if only temporarily. This returned his sense of balance, however superficial. He supposed he could wait. Perhaps Inion would come to him in time and he could show Her the true magnificence of His Creations. Mac’s decision to succumb to his Son’s suggestions nurtured the growing darkness within his creation, encouraging the perception of control he had exerted over his own Father. This filled the god with great delight; and barely arisen from the vapors, the Dark one’s own thoughts of creation were already beginning to awaken. He would not broach the subject yet. It would be too much too soon. He would wait for his chance. All could wait here in Eternity…….
Mor felt a great shift in the Light as It observed these things. It had hoped for more wisdom from Its own Son and more forgiveness from Its Daughter; but in Its state of Unconditional Love and understanding of Eternal Light, It desired each to continue with their own Experience. Sensation and awareness was, after all, what It had created them for. If only they would share it. So it would be for eons-the two Worlds spinning, existing, each in their own greatness, bringing joy to both Creators and Created alike. The twins remained in their respective places of autonomy, nursing old wounds and nurturing their individual soul gardens, not noticing the encroaching weeds of deception that choked their relationship.
VII A Lonely Goddess
Both God and Goddess, while aware of the heaviness of the physical worlds they moved upon, loved the freedom of expression they felt when lingering there. As they observed all living things in the physical realm, they longed to communicate more directly with that life. The creatures that flew and crawled on the surface, while delightful to look at, were unable to express any appreciation of their Creators. The Son and Daughter of Eternal Light longed to be known and loved even as they loved those who gave them life.
As God and Goddess spent more time within their physical realms, their intimate communication with Spirit dwindled. Though each would perceive these sensations differently, they produced the same longings for both. Each desired to create something from within themselves, to know themselves consciously, just as they had been awakened and knew their own Creators.
Bandia’s requests to create from within had been repeatedly denied by Inion; and in her impatience, the Goddess reasoned that this denial was not truly coming from Mor. She decided if she could only ask Mor directly, pleading her desire, it would be granted; yet too long had she been in the physical realm, communicating with Mor through Inion alone, that she lost the ability to hear the voice of Great Spirit directly. She had been told that Mor wanted Its creations to express themselves and to have all that they desired. This was what she desired; and it confused her that Inion continued denying her pleas, refusing to even consider her request.
It was during one of these self indulgent reasoning sessions that the goddess decided she would fulfill her own desires. Ignoring the tiny voice of caution within, she concluded that Her Creation would be so wonderful that neither her mother nor Great Spirit should object. This creation would be drawn directly from the matter and energy of Dohman but filled with her own Essence. Bandia, too, wanted more. “If I am created in my Mother’s image, why should I not be as honored here in this World as she is in Eternity? Surely she would not deny me my own children to fulfill my longing, and to Love me, even as I love her.”
Mor observed this self justification in Bandia with interest, but not without sadness. Once more had Its Creations forgotten Its voice of Wisdom and Its promise of Unconditional Love as they succumbed to their own desire to be autonomous-forgetting their connection to the All That Is.
It was in this way that Ego was born within this Goddess, a thing that would be the seed of contention for the very chain of creation she was about to call forth. There was nothing to be done. Mor wanted Its creations to have all that they desired; and this, too, would no doubt bring new experience and sensations to the Eternal realm. It would always watch and not interfere unless Its creations came to It in love, seeking solace. That is, unless It’s Original Creation became threatened….
Bandia carefully hid her plan from Inion while she continued to visit Her in the Eternal realm. As she shielded all thought of creation while there with her Mother, Deceit became a new branch on the tree of Consciousness that was now flourishing within the goddess. When she returned once more to Dohman’s surface, hidden within the safety of the veil of mists that enveloped it, she began. Coming from the bosom of Love and Light, she felt that everything she was doing would be for the greatest good. Her own Daughter would be more lovely than any creature she had created thus far on Dohman and would move gracefully among the living things on her World. She would know dominion over them; and they, in turn, would know her as their own Mother in living form.
Bandia wanted her to move with the creatures there, so decided to gift her with the ability to change her own form at will, thinking how delightful that would be for her. The goddess then touched the solid earth of Inion’s world, drawing from its timelessness, balance and energy. She included the flora, pulling color and form from the delicate flowers and drew strength from the forests of trees. Turning to the skies she raised the winds for her daughter’s breath, clear and sweet; and the brilliant, new sun of Dohman would fill her form with energy. Her eyes were the color of earth, rich and dark. The goddess covered this newly formed energy with a soft skin, pink and smooth, with sloping curves where it flowed across her essence. Her lips were the color of the sun at cycle’s end; and cascading from her head were long, dark tendrils of hair that curled about her body, enveloping it. When all these things were complete in the thought of Bandia, the goddess spoke her Daughter’s name.
As she whispered, “M’na“, there came a mighty swirling wind which surrounded all that Bandia had created. As the perfect vision of Femininity lingered before her, the goddess admired her work; then she animated it with her great Thought. She watched as her creation danced, gracefully casting off the wind to reveal a most magnificent form, both willowy and strong at once.
For a long while she admired her handiwork, full of great Love and admiration for her new daughter. With this creation she would now know the same love as her own Mother, shared between them; and she would feel less lonely while here on her world. In her last act of creating this Daonna, this Human, Bandia breathed into Her mouth the very Essence of her own soul. She drew from all that she was at birth and all that she had become as Goddess, to complete the creation of her Daughter, M’na. This new essence, Creation’s physical legacy, still carried that small portion of emptiness that was born deep within the Original Creation. Not yet conscious of its presence within her own essence and not understanding that with every separation from its original source this empty space would increase, Bandia made no attempt to repair the energy she was sending into her Daughter.
When at last the form was full of the Essence of Eternity, M’na’s eyes fluttered open, her lips parted and she drew her first breath, “ha..ah!” she softly exclaimed.
Admiring her own form first, then gazing at the world about her with appreciation and wonder, she turned to her Mother with her hands clasped before her; and in reverence she spoke to Bandia, her eyes full of the light of eternity. She could not hide her joy at this coming to life as she whispered, “Oh, She who has formed me from earth to flesh, sky to breath, and Light to Love, I am small in your presence. I will honor you always; and my desire is to be whatever it is you have envisioned for us.”
Bandia felt complete Love for her Creation; and ecstasy was the sensation coursing throughout her Essence at this moment. How full, how complete this was, to Love and be loved. She spoke to M’na of her coming to life, how in desire she was created for the purpose of communing with Bandia, of governing life on Dohman in her mother’s absence, and filling it with the beauty of her presence. She gave her daughter dominion over everything there, explaining that she was gifted with the ability to walk alongside its creatures even as they were; and thusly they would fall in step with her energy.
As Inion had done with Bandia, she advised M’na to keep counsel with her Mother, even when the goddess was in the Eternal realm. She could do this through word, thought and meditation, which she assured the new human her mother would hear even when not in her presence. She told M’na of Inion, the first Mother, who had born Bandia’s own Existence from the essence of Eternity within herself. The goddess assured her daughter that Inion would always be there to serve as the Great Communicator for Spiorad Mor, the Great Spirit which created the All from the All that Was Not. And with but a Thought could She do this, the Supreme Mhathair.
M’na humbly accepted all that was made known, assented to all that was instructed, and reverently vowed to fulfill the promises she made now at her birth. Finally, Bandia directed M’na regarding the way of Creation, forgetting her own desires and reverting to the admonitions of her own Mother. “Although you may change form to commune with the life around you and move anywhere you wish upon this Dohman, you may not Create any living thing. This is left to your Mother, as in Her Wisdom she will do so in balance, light and harmony.”
M’na, full of the peace of new life, happily agreed to everything her Mother asked. “I understand, Mother. I am certain I will know contentment here; for there is such beauty and wonder to experience on this magnificent world.” She meant every word as she spoke it. No one truly spoke in vain…who could understand the winds of change that would blow across the ever changing landscape of existence they were creating?
So it was that M’na became the Beauty upon the World of Bandia, the Dohman of Inion, drawn from the original Thought of Spiorad Mor.
to be continued……….