The content, both written and artistic, within this blog remain the sole property of Cheryl K. Pennington. While the story belongs to everyone, the words expressed within this work remain my own. Thank you.
Here I am once again, to share a bit more of my novel. It has become a quest for me to make it visible, even if only in my blog. The process of discovering my own understanding of our dual nature was so profound and ultimately comforting that I hope it will strike a cord of remembrance for others who struggle with understanding the dynamics of human nature.
Why do we fear? What is it that drives our fears? Where did this fear originate?
Although we find many “reasons” for our dis-ease and lack of joy within this illusion we know as life, somehow we sense that there is a deeper wound that is being reopened time and again. What I have come to understand is that until we find a way to recognize this perceived wound, buried deeply within our soul nature, we will continue to struggle against an unknowable force; and we will continue to treat that force as an enemy outside of ourselves rather than recognizing that we are only doing battle with an invisible foe. It is what lies within that needs scrutiny, for therein lay the secrets to our peace, our sense of unity and our ultimate love.
I hope you will give my novel a chance within your minds and your hearts; for it is with tremendous love that it was brought into the light of my own consciousness. While it is a true work of fiction, as all is within this creation of existence, there can be found in the story one universal truth-Unconditional Love is the reason for it all. Please feel free to express your thoughts, ideas and any feedback you may have.
Before the Beginning
Once, In the Time Before Time, there was only Eadrom-Essence-a great energy, that had existed forever as such; and even though it was vast beyond measure, it was singular within its eternity. For eons it remained unaware-of itself, of its singularity, of its magnificence. Until, that is, the Essence evolved into a single Thought which soon acknowledged the vast loneliness in which it existed. Although It embodied the All that Was, as pure energy and Unconditional Love, It could never experience these things in the emptiness that was Singularity. So it began to Create; and with a new Thought, it brought forth a mirror image of itself. This image was alike in essence, a thought without form, made of pure energy and Light-like as like, thought as thought-Awareness, the Ta’ame.
It was content for a time to dance throughout eternity with the Ta’me, existing as more; and yet the Original Essence was still alone, so perfectly did the Creation mirror Itself. There was something a bit different, a mere fraction of less than more, hardly noticeable, but still there. This nudged the Thought into a feeling which now understood its loneliness; and a new desire was born within its consciousness. It wanted to satisfy this desire, this need it now felt.
‘What if one became two?’, It wondered. This time Its purpose was not to create from Itself, but to draw from within the Ta’me, from that which had been created from Original Essence. And so began the force of Creation.
How could the Creator foresee the effects of such a force? It was the beginning. It was a beginning. It would be something drawn from the All that Was but was never before known. The Thought brought forth two magnificent Creations from the Ta’me, still a part of the Whole, yet each different somehow. Each reflected tremendous beauty and energy, yet somewhere deep beneath the newness of splendor lay a tiny grain of something different.
They were different from the whole, but different from one another as well. One would be masculine in energy while the other, feminine. Existing together they would always be complete. Also present within each was a place too small to be realized, too insignificant to matter-where the seeds of separation now lay in the dark recesses of these newly created souls. Original Essence didn’t sense this crack in the seat of Creation as It waited to be recognized.
The differences did not matter to It at that point for, after all, difference was what the Creator sought. Of course these creations as individual essence would be less than the perfection of the Whole, for therein lay the recognition it longed for-to be known, to feel itself manifest in another, to understand Its fullness and to be alone no more. But they were so lovely and so much like their Creator….
Eons passed as the Thought and its creations existed in harmony, with love and appreciation of, and for, one another. Eventually these Children of Original Essence also longed to create as their own awareness developed into thought. Spiorad Mor was the name given to Original Essence by its beloved Creations. ‘Great Spirit’ was their Creator, and they all flourished within the realm of Unconditional Love.
These souls were eager to please Great Spirit and soon Inion called to It, “Look Spiorad Mor! See what I have made!” Inion was exceptional in her work with Light. Her essence seemed to mirror the Creator more closely than that of her twin as evidenced by her desire to create with a sense of harmony, peace, and collective energy, working to keep the Light strong within Existence. Her energy, although intense, wanted only to move with the Creator, to please and delight Its senses. Inion’s impeccable nature showed within her Creations. All were perfectly balanced and delightful to behold, and her work brought joy to the Creator’s sense of Existence. “How magnificent!” It applauded.
The Creation Inion brought forth was spinning freely before M’or; and It could see the way she had placed every particle with love and consideration, brilliant in color and magnificent in form. The spinning was perfection! It was organized chaos; and although moving continuously, nothing strayed from the surface, so balanced was its energy.
“Do you like it Father?” she asked M’or.
Inion called The Creator, ‘Father’, for she viewed It as the Masculine side of Essence that was missing within her own soul. The Creator knew only love for Its Children and, delighted with their progress, greatly desired to give them all that they wanted. It knew no good or bad in anything, only to complete the desires of Itself through Its Creations and experience these things.
“I want to Create more, Father. May I keep it?” Inion had made many things before; and after each was enjoyed by both the Creator and created, she usually flung the energy back into the void to be once again enveloped by the Light. Then she would begin anew with other creations, each more wonderful than the last. But this one was different. And this time it was accompanied by her own original thought. The thought was small, not discernible yet, but growing.
“What will you do with it?”, asked Mor. Carefully she answered her watchful Father. “I want to create more upon it, to fill it with all things beautiful and Light,” came her reply. In the fullness of Love the Creator consented. More creation meant more stimulation. No longer alone in Its existence, It was eager to continue this experience. Something different. Different and new. How full It felt. And so Inion proceeded lovingly with her new venture, enjoying the ecstasy of Creation.
Seeing the result of Inion’s work inspired Mac, Inion’s twin, to begin creating as well-cautiously at first, but growing grander over time. He was, however, more timid about sharing his creations with Great Spirit. When at last he felt he had done his finest work yet and knew it was complete, he brought it before the Creator to enjoy.
“Mother, I, too, have created something brilliant for your pleasure.” Mac called The Creator ‘Mother’, for He viewed It as the Feminine which was missing from within the essence of his own soul.
Hoping to impress M’or, the young soul flung his energy outward and watched as it quickly spread, casting a dark shadow across the Light. Billions of glowing particles expanded in a flash, then rapidly condensed, becoming total blackness at once. This black shadow cut through the brilliance of Eternity sharply, swiftly and without error, leaving a dark hole-an abyss-that swallowed the Comfort of the Light.
“No!,“ admonished the Creator.
“But wait, Mother..” began Mac, “let me show you the best part.” As he blew a breath across the dark abyss, millions of flickering, tiny bursts of energy sprang up. Glittering, twinkling, they seemed to dance. Yet they were steely and cold, pulsing without warmth and Light; and they created a sense of despair. While mesmerizing, this form was devoid of the brilliance of the Light which defined the All that Was. “Now watch this!” Mac continued. With another wave of energy he caused the glistening particles to cluster into glowing swirls of form and substance. “See how together they make a Light of their own, Mother?” His essence was innocently awaiting approval and reward.
Mac’s Creation did indeed give a kind of glow, a reflection that was blinding in its power; but still it emanated no warmth. The Creator could not deny that It saw an effect of Light, although pale in the face of the light of Existence; and of course It felt great love for Its Creation. “May I keep it Mother?”, asked Mac.
Mor, of course, replied lovingly, “My talented Son, we exist in the Light-the true Light of Eternity. I cannot deny your Creation, for it is a part of You; but this must be the only one of its kind. You must try something else as well.”
Without knowing it, Great Spirit would then commit the original moment of error. The first unintentional wound would be created as Mor suggested to Its Son, “Why don’t you try to create as Inion does? Seek Her out and join with Her in your work.” The excitement within Eternity’s son was quickly dimmed.
It was in that pivotal moment that a tiny seed sprouted in the deep, dark center of Mac’s Essence, the place where the original division took place and the Light was not strong. He never heard the loving direction of Great Spirit as it was truly intended. He heard only disappointment and criticism; but he was an obedient soul and so joined his Sister.
Indeed her creations were magnificent. The spinning energy was so full of Light, color and Peace. She slowed its movement, allowing it to take on solid form as the particles began to bind together. He had never seen this kind of energy before. Brilliant light had been transformed into solid mass. Inion then bent light as it struck the mass so that it changed into different forms, dancing in its field. She created a mist of energy vapors to encase its surface; and as the Light passed through this field, every thing it struck looked different. Mac had never seen (or created) anything so magnificent. Color! His intense love and admiration for his twin soul filled him. But beneath his love and appreciation there arose another sensation from the depths of his soul……
The Creator was thrilled at the thought of Its Children working together. There would be more to experience. More sensation. This was good. It didn’t yet sense the seeds of hunger as they germinated within the young souls.
Mac felt a stirring of his own now, although not a thing as joyous as the Creator’s sensation was to Itself. What Mor’s child felt was as sharp as the dark matter Mac had created, cutting into the Light areas of his own Essence just as swiftly as his Creation cut into Eternal Light. Slowly it began working its way upward from the depths of his being.
Mac wanted to stop it, for it was not a pleasing sensation; and it was so unlike all those which he had known before. But it was strong; and it felt somehow necessary for him to allow it to be there. He could control it, he reasoned, and could keep it hidden. Watch it. It was, after all, something his twin didn’t seem to have. And that fact was what now made this new emotion most valuable to him.
Mor observed the new communion between Its Leanai, its Children. With only the desire to encourage Its Son, Great Spirit congratulated Mac. “Good! You are working with Inion. Perhaps together you will create something as magnificent as she has done alone.” The budding sensation in Mac, only a seedling before, suddenly sprang upward from the dark space in his core into victorious being as Jealousy-the seedling turned tendril-began slowly and deliberately climbing its way into Consciousness.
Mor could sense the changes occurring within Its Son, but It recognized only the invigoration of a new sensation.
“Come, Mac!”, Implored Inion, eager to include her twin. “Look at the changes I have made.” Ignoring the new growth within that begged to be acknowledged, Mac gazed at the spinning orb of Energy and Light, watching in amazement as swirling gases spread across its surface. Below these gases were all manner of things springing up, things with form and color alike, in many shapes and sizes. All of it seemed to move in a kind of collective union. Some forms were stationary, while others swayed and shook. Great expanses appeared across the surface of the orb in deep pools of fluid energy that, while they moved, remained largely in one place. It was all so synchronous. Every tiny spark was complete in itself; yet when all sparks joined, they moved as a single, collective energy. This Essence filled Eternity with new vibration. Although singularly magnificent, it also felt as one with the All that Was.
‘As You are, so You Create’, thought Spiorad Mor as It observed this unfolding. Great Spirit was always observing and absorbing from Its Creations.
“What is it?”, asked Mac in an awestruck whisper, incredulous at this wondrous thing Inion had done.
“Dohman”, came the loving whisper which carried the name of the World with it. It sounded so complete. Mac couldn’t help but feel intense love for his twin, and he well understood his Mother’s sense of fulfillment from her creations. Still…..why couldn’t the Creator see Mac’s own project in this same way-as the magnificent and glorious thing he intended?
He knew in the core of his being that it wasn’t the same as Inion’s, but hadn’t He created it with just as much Love and care? Hadn’t it been just as much a part of Himself as his twin’s was to her? Why was it not the same in the sight of Mor?
What the Creator didn’t know, couldn’t foresee, was that the separation from Itself as a whole would leave scattered places-holes-in the energy fields of that which It created. These empty spaces would soon manifest as a new sensation-one of separation, a feeling of being incomplete. In Time, this sensation would turn to Thought in Consciousness as each Creation became aware of the fragmented parts within; and this awareness would, in turn emerge as Emotion, manifest in Fear.
Even if Mor had known, would that have halted Its desire to create? This unfolding would present more things to experience, after all….Existence had begun and all was Eternal in this Creation, this Time before Time.
Its Leanai were perfect in the eyes of their Creator, but within each was the difference. Each would know a breach in the Light of its Essence; and this lack would manifest in ways that would be both painful and unique to their individual being as they forget the perfect whole.
The absence of Light in Mac would, in time, translate to the fruition of Darkness, a Darkness that whispered promises of Love, a love he felt denied. It would produce a legacy that could forget its very origins in its attempt to consume the Light which brought it into being. The breach of Light in Inion would manifest in loneliness; and she would always fear what was missing within her Essence, for it would be perceived as dark. Instead of embracing It, she would hide from It and feel the pain of separation in a different way-as a cup forever needing to be filled with more Light..to ward off the darkness…
And if you are wondering about the vulture photo, well, if you continue to read with me, you will come to understand its significance. The vultures in Costa Rica became an integral part of my own spiritual journey and were often my muses during this process. They hold a prominent place within my heart and within the lives of the little group of humans who first breathe the air of Dohman.